So what actually happens to all the crop-circle makers once the crops have been harvested and there’s nothing left to flatten? Do they hibernate, like hedgehogs, or do they take up their planks and ropes and globe-trot like surfers, chasing the endless summer and that perfect rolling wave of wheat?
Or maybe they have a second trade, like sweeping chimneys. I’ve thought of several suitable rural trades they could turn their hands to this winter, all of which are seriously undersubscribed. I’m sure you can think of plenty more – please let me know your thoughts.
Guerrilla Funerals
These days, more and more people want to be buried in remote, romantic eco-friendly locations. Crack teams of guerrilla crop-circle makers moving at dead of night could surreptitiously bury YOU in the rural setting of your choice – from arable land to National Trust gardens or scenic cliff-top paths. There’s no red tape, no funeral directors to pay, and by the time you’re discovered you’re already decomposing.
Communicating with the Dead
Rural Churches are suffering funding crises, but they possess many valuable assets which remain under-exploited. Why not follow the lead of farmers with land adjoining motorways, and help sell the backs of tombstones as local advertising space?
Graffiti in Motion
Follow in the footsteps of Banksy – graffiti a cow. Cows are large, slow moving and grow a thicker pelt in winter. Using sheep shearing equipment or even a powerful electric shaver, it should be simple enough to carve elaborate crop circle designs into the rumps of cattle. A book of the results, artistically photographed would make an excellent Christmas stocking filler. You may also be eligible for Arts Council funding.
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