‘No’ I said. Then, as an afterthought: ‘Why?’
Farmers are like sheepdogs. They growl a good deal to start with, but once you talk to them gently and let them sniff your hand, they’re all over you.
I had nearly photographed a sheep. It was eyeing me sardonically, like Jeremy Paxman faced with a Durham undergraduate who couldn't identify the components of Riboflavin. I whipped out my camera, but the Paxman look faded suddenly and it was just another sheep. So I didn’t bother.
If a photoof the farmhouse appeared in the papers, the farmer explained, thieves might come and nick things from it. He’d had machinery nicked that way, even millstones from the garden. They’d nicked the generator, too, from the electric fence.
It's the same with livestock, apparently.
‘They’ll see the picture in the papers, so then they know you’ve got sheep out in that field. So then they come and nick 'em.’
Particularly, of course, if they’re partial to sheep ressembling Paxman.
Farmers have such a jaded view of humanity. They divide it into Trespassers, Thieves, Perverts and, on the plus side, Other Farmers.
This farmer had found the local headmaster having sex with a junior science teacher in his wheatfield in broad daylight (Perverts), was infuriated by stray lycra-clad joggers from the local management college (Trespassers) and had most recently driven over a youth he found trying to siphon fuel out of his Range Rover (Thieves).
Many of his tales ended with him and his neighbours (Other Farmers) meting out rough justice in this satisfactory spirit. Fortunately I was camouflaged (apart from the camera) as Another Farmer so cast as appreciative audience to all this, rather than a potential enemy.
We parted on the best of terms. Once out of sight, I took this picture – a favourite vista from one of my favourite walks. It contains, you will observe, no buildings, sheep or farm implements worth nicking.
Though I suppose now someone will come and nick the gate.
I like these three pieces. I really like your turn of phrase. Your imagery. I might be saying the same things over and over again - I'm sorry...but actually I can't fault your writing. Your style, your voice, your execution. Your subject matter. Always quirky, always different, always so readable. Your writing is all very good. And I feel it is getting better as you are becoming more confident. Although at the moment you are writing diary-comment pieces, I don't think you'll have any trouble turning to reviews/full features on whatever subject....either to sell or for enjoyment. I think you would be one of these lucky ones that can ease in and out of creative writing and reporting (ie newspaper/magazine writing). Have you thought about approaching one of the local magazines and writing a country diary for them. Your pics are excellent - so you come as a good package?
ReplyDeleteI have Tim Dowling with me. I know you'll get on with him. Sally