Here’s a tricky ethical dilemma. You are crossing a farmer’s private field by the public footpath, in full compliance with the Country Code. Suddenly your way is barred by a substantial herd of cows. Or possibly bulls.
Do you
a) Proceed calmly but firmly forward, on the assumption that they will part like the Red Sea to let you through?
b) Take an extended route around the group, trespassing off the footpath in the process?
c) Pretend a suddenly remembered appointment and retrace your steps?
I'm not afraid of cows, of course. Ha! Except possibly those big shaggy Highland cattle who stare belligerently at you through their fringes like drunk Glaswegian laddettes wondering if you’re looking at them funny, hen?
But cows are big. Suppose they all decided to lean on you? Or just give you a friendly nudge?
And how can you tell which are cows? Answer, of course, is to look for the udders, or that bit of damp dangly hair in the middle. But it’s not easy when they’re confronting you full-on, eyeballing you as if to say ‘Well, punk - cow or bull? Do you feel lucky?’
According to the Wildlife and Countryside Act it’s ‘an offence for the occupier of land crossed by a public right of way to allow a bull over 10 months old and on its own and/or any bull of a recognised dairy breed (even if accompanied by cows/heifers) to be at large on the land.’
So that settles that. They must be cows. Either that, or I get to sue someone after I’ve been gored to death. Goodee.
Hold on though. This doesn’t apply to bulls of ‘of a recognised beef breed and at large with cows/heifers.’
Do you
a) Proceed calmly but firmly forward, on the assumption that they will part like the Red Sea to let you through?
b) Take an extended route around the group, trespassing off the footpath in the process?
c) Pretend a suddenly remembered appointment and retrace your steps?
I'm not afraid of cows, of course. Ha! Except possibly those big shaggy Highland cattle who stare belligerently at you through their fringes like drunk Glaswegian laddettes wondering if you’re looking at them funny, hen?
But cows are big. Suppose they all decided to lean on you? Or just give you a friendly nudge?
And how can you tell which are cows? Answer, of course, is to look for the udders, or that bit of damp dangly hair in the middle. But it’s not easy when they’re confronting you full-on, eyeballing you as if to say ‘Well, punk - cow or bull? Do you feel lucky?’
According to the Wildlife and Countryside Act it’s ‘an offence for the occupier of land crossed by a public right of way to allow a bull over 10 months old and on its own and/or any bull of a recognised dairy breed (even if accompanied by cows/heifers) to be at large on the land.’
So that settles that. They must be cows. Either that, or I get to sue someone after I’ve been gored to death. Goodee.
Hold on though. This doesn’t apply to bulls of ‘of a recognised beef breed and at large with cows/heifers.’
So some sorts of bull are okay (How can I tell if I’m being chased by the right sort? And does the bull know?) but only if they’re with their families, who presumably exercise a restraining influence (‘Come on now, Father, live and let live. Calm down and have some nice grass’).
Then there’s the age bit. Why 10 months? 10 month old heifers can be pretty big, and if human adolescents are anything to go by, are probably scarier than the grown-ups.
Well, today I discovered today a way to handle all comers. Take their pictures.
Then there’s the age bit. Why 10 months? 10 month old heifers can be pretty big, and if human adolescents are anything to go by, are probably scarier than the grown-ups.
Well, today I discovered today a way to handle all comers. Take their pictures.
When you actually want cattle to stay still, stare at you and be photographed, they scatter instantly – cows, bulls, the lot. Even these huggable young heifers, who look so much more like furry pandas than Lunch on the Hoof that it makes you want to turn vegan.
Give me the SLR over the red rag any time.
I have direct experience of this. My (Aries) partner took the (a) approach whereas I was more (c). The ensuing hesitancy caused us both to be chased by several full grown bulls. My partner (did I mention he was an Aries?) thought this was great fun. Me? I've never been in a field with a bull since and have even been known to pull out of group walks if we have to pass too close to one.
ReplyDeleteYour huggable heifer looks quite confrontational to me!
Interesting and informative article - I had the impression that farmers deliberately put bulls in the fields where there's a 'right of way' running through the middle.
I'm not afraid of cows either,as long as there is a reasonable fence between us, they're quite cute then. However option B) is a favourite of mine and in doing so in the summer re tracing a walk I'd done with my now departed dog. I found myself trapped by several frisky BIG heifers . Sweating and anxiety levels rising,relief here comes the farmer to rescue me (not ) to tell me off for trespassing and that if I was going to be afraid then I should be of the really Big black and white ones. Thanks! he said I was fine to walk back the heifers would folow him (not ) they chased me kicking their back legs up in a mocking like fashion.
ReplyDeleteAs Kathryn has said - an interesting and informative article.
Very topical.Happened to me on Tuesday - not actual physical contact with cows, but had to make massive, muddy detour to avoid a very belligerent herd. There were about 8 of us walking and the cows were definitely warning us off. Also, I'm guessing you have written this in response to David Dimbleby's recent indisposition?!
ReplyDeleteGreat piece. Wild and wacky, funny, irreverent and informative as usual. I am not sure where you live but certainly a lot goes on in your corner of the world. Your ideas are great. The execution of your ideas - excellent. So very readable. Keep writing, collect and be published.!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for all the comments. I've continued the theme, with your help, in the next entry - Complete Bullocks.
ReplyDeleteKathryn, - yes, I’m damn near certain that if the farmers don’t actually put scary animals in the fields with footpaths on purpose, they at least get a sadistic kick out of watching us trying to navigate round them! Warwickshire farmers are refreshingly misanthropic - see Whitefeather’s comment about being ‘rescued’ by one.
The panda calf was looking a lot cuter before I pointed the camera at him! That fierce look is actually pre-panic – I caught him just before he fled to the protection of his gang.
WalkTalk - I didn’t know about David Dimbleby, so thanks for that! He was, in all fairness, loading the bullock into a trailer, which probably annoyed it a bit. And the presenter of Radio 4's ‘Any Answers’ should be used to dealing with creatures of low intelligence and bovine attitudes.
Whitefeather. Loved your story about the heifers and 100% believe it! The only time I've everbeen attacked on a country walk was by a farmer in a Landrover who accused me of harrassing his ducks. (query: how do you harrass a duck?)
ReplyDelete